I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
