So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
