cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
