the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
