why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
