So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
