I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
