WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
