God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
