Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
