Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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