he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
