he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
