life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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