Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
