My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone shattered a urinal.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
