just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
