some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
