The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
nutella sex= disaster
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
