i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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