Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He did a backflip because drugs
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