i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
