my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize