Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
