70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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