I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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