Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
