i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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