my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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