I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
