Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
