Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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