she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're too hungover to prance.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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