Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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