Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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