Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
