wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
