And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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