I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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