Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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