Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
