Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
