Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
