Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
