Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
