Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
