Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
