Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
