I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
