He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize