What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
