It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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