What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
