I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
