How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
