wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
