I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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