Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
