I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
