so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
