What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
