i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
