the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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