Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
