The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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