well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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