Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
